For some reason I can’t explain, I’m critiquing my very first novel TRAPPED, which I wrote in the 4th Grade in 1977.
TRAPPED, A Graphic Novel, Part Two
( see Part One)
When everyone was out, including Soldier,
Don asked, “Do you have a leader? If you do, could you
take us to him?”
“We do, so we will. Hey, S10XZS821! Turn on
the non-light bending xrz!”
You know, whenever there’s some pesky Law of the Universe, wouldn’t it be great if you could just turn it off with a flip of a switch? And why do alien names have to be so weird?
What’s with landing right on a tree?
Also, looks like I ran out of marker on this page. Or time.
“Meet President szaisteaF10. President szaisteaF-
10, this is?”
“The Appolo 203 10 year mission. How did you
know English,” asked Captain Mansfield.
“We mind read.”
“Our question is, how do you out of a black
“Only the high wizard knows. I don’t
know where he is,” said the President.
“Where is the nearest planet?”
“5 light days away.”
“Wow! We’ll search for it. Bye.”
First of all, “President” szaisteaF10, put some damn clothes on. Secondly, you might want to have that looked at. Seriously.
WTF is that yellow thing? It looks like a boot fell through the ceiling.
Oh, Sue, yeah. Looks like someone let herself go. She must have been pretty pissed when they turned the light-bending off.
6 days later they land on the planet.
Pow! Slam! Crash! Bash! Blam! Clutter!
A meteorite shower!!
It’s raining meteors, Hallelujah, it’s raining meteors, outside!
“It’s all over now,” said Captain Mansfeild. Let’s
When they were all out somebody yelled,
”Freeze, let us investigate you invaders. Give
us all your weapons and your ship. Why did you come
I think a meteor is crushing one of them. Uh…a little help here?
Wait—did they land on the same damn tree on a different planet? What are the odds?
“We want to see the High Wizard.”
“We want to know how to get out of a
“OK. We’ll take you to him if you
leave immediately afterwards!”
Well, Sue’s starting to shape up a bit.
But now we have to deal with those pesky alien-twins-on-wheels.
Also has anyone considered that the tree is intelligent? It seems to be following them around.
“OK. We’ll cooperate.”
“Good. We’ll take her for a souvenir.”
“No you don’t,” yelled Daryl.
Pow! Sok! Chomp! Oof!
“There’s the un-lightbending switch,”
“Get in the spaceship,” Captain
Mansfield commanded. It was
pretty hard to find it.
UN-Light Bending Switch
Go Soldier! Finally, some decent action. They are beating the crap out of those stupid twins-on-wheels alien mo-fo’s!
And thank heavens for that ultra-convenient un-light bending switch.
My very first novel, and the heroine is kicking ass. I am so proud (sniff).
I’m beginning to realize something: I don’t have enough dogs in my novels anymore. The only one I can think of is Chaucer in Steam Palace. But sometime I need to write in a really bitchin’ dog like Soldier here.
2 days later they land on a planet.
Luckily, they were out of fuel or they would
Someone said, “Planet V said you heading
in this direction wanting to see
the high wizard.”
“Yes, we are,” replied Captain
“We’ll take you to him,” he said.
Aliens with jetpacks rule!
So, with the light-unbending turned off, looks like Sue was back at the chow trough. Is it me or is Sue feeling a little like Smurfette, the only chick in the entire story?
That slide ramp looks pretty cool too.
“Don, could you get fuel?”
“Daryl, watch the spaceship.”
The room they were led into held
the high wizard.
“How do you get out of a
black hole,” asked Sue.
”What a fool.”
Um, Sue, let me explain. There’s a reason he’s called the High Wizard. Your first clue might have been that he’s smoking crack.
By the way, Sue, looking good, know what I mean?
I have no idea why it looks like the wizard is smoking.
“Go through another one, of course.”
“Where is another one?”
“20 light days away.”
“Thank you, goodbye!”
21 days later, they land on a planet
that orbits the black hole. Suddenly
Sue floats off the planet very fast
heading towards the black hole.
“Into the rocket,” Captain Mans-
feild yelled. “Get her!”
Faster, faster, faster than the
speed of light, they rush to catch her.
Dammit, Sue, your compulsive overeating has doomed us all! You got so big that the black hole’s trying to eat you!
There’s actually a great lesson for novel-writing right here. Just when you think you have all the answers, TPTB try to strip everything away and kill you. You must pass that final test with everything on the line.
“Get her! Get on the oxyegen!”
All of a sudden, they are on the other
side of the black hole, where they had
“Let’s get back to Earth now”
When they got back to Earth,
there is a big celebration.
”The New Yorker”
Whew. Finally, they’re safe.
I really can see the roots of my writing career in this story, written in the 4th grade some 35 years ago when I was 10 years old. I hope you have enjoyed it!